Ravil And/Or Lilywhite For Town Council

A general announcement posted to the town.

Fellow residents, I had hoped it wouldn’t come to this, but I believe we can all agree that frankly insane problems require deeply unwise solutions, and so I must regretfully announce our candidacy for Town Council.

First, a note: I am not announcing two candidates here, I am announcing the candidacy of the single entity “Ravil And/Or Lilywhite As Time Permits.” Frankly, you don’t want two of us, and we don’t care enough to do this full time.

Now, why should you vote for us?

Firstly, as mentioned above, because as a town our problems make no reasonable sense, therefore attempting to elect someone on the basis of a reasonable and rational platform is obviously hopeless. Vote for a reasonable person and you’ll get an extended treatise on the correct amount to pay the Militia for town defense. Vote for us and we’ll sponsor a law declaring that bearing arms against the town of Port Katherine constitutes implied consent to participate in any and all scientific experiments.

Secondly, interests, and the conflicts thereof. Unlike many of the candidate for this office, we belong to no organizations large enough to benefit from the Town Council’s attention, and have no real friends to display favoritism towards. As such, we will simply be relentlessly self-interested, but as we live in the same town as everyone else, that’s practically the same as being civic-minded, and much more fair.

Thirdly, of course, we are effective. Will we have solutions to difficult town problems? Yes. Will we tell you what they are? Absolutely not. Should you worry about that? Probably not.

Finally, a note to my co-candidate: Ravil, whenever you see this, please remember, if you kill me you’re honestly probably only be making it more likely that you get elected.

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Upon seeing this Bethany smiles to herself.

Finally, someone speaking some sense here!

Love it!

“Oh! Um. Oh. Umm? Oh.” Amarallys seems conflicted.

Or perhaps just concerned.

Look, there’s a lot of blinking going on here.

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If any citizen who fancies they possess a sense of humor takes it in their head to shorten Lilywhite’s name on their ballot to the detriment of another townsfolk, and that townsfolk gets elected to town council as a result, her first action will be to outlaw all merriment.

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Dearest Lily have no fear, I plan to vote for you separately so there’s no confusion.

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James bursts out laughing; continuing, doubled over, until his lungs give out and he is left gasping for breath

Oh dear…I cannot wait for this Summer’s festival!

This chaos will be a delight to watch unfold.

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Oh, I mean, if you can just run. smiles in political opponent

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I think it will only improve the efficiency of town meetings if more of the council can throw Disengage.

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Between you/Ravil, me, and our Julien, we should have a steady fount of innovative ideas on governing.

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If you all can’t see why this is a terrible idea, any further ink spilled explaining it would be wasted. I said my bit last year and I don’t like repeating myself.

So fine, let’s toss our lots into the waves and see whose net pulls them out. We need more common folk on the Council anyhow.

And to the fickle guttersnipe that lit this off: I hope your stepdaughters find you.

-R

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Honestly this is the most convincing platform I’ve heard yet.

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