Our Unfortunate Loss

Citizens of Port Katherine,

With the unfortunate loss of our good friend and town council member, Livewell Birkett Lureen, the Town Council will be holding an election at Remembrance for a replacement to fill the duration of his term. Interested parties are invited to make a statement here or elsewhere on the board prior to that time, but we will also be accepting candidates during the festival.

The Town Council would also like to remind citizens that, while the deceased sometimes leave images behind such as revenants or ghosts, these images are not the person who died and should not be treated as such, but rather as one would treat any other revenant or ghost, etc.

For the Town Council


Fellow residents, I had hoped it wouldn’t come to this, but I believe we can all agree that frankly insane problems require deeply unwise solutions, and so I must regretfully announce our candidacy for Town Council.

First, a note: I am not announcing two candidates here, I am announcing the candidacy of the single entity “Ravil And/Or Lilywhite As Time Permits.” Frankly, you don’t want two of us, and we don’t care enough to do this full time.

Now, why should you vote for us?

Firstly, as mentioned above, because as a town our problems make no reasonable sense, therefore attempting to elect someone on the basis of a reasonable and rational platform is obviously hopeless. Vote for a reasonable person and you’ll get an extended treatise on the correct amount to pay the Militia for town defense. Vote for us and we’ll sponsor a law declaring that bearing arms against the town of Port Katherine constitutes implied consent to participate in any and all scientific experiments.

Secondly, interests, and the conflicts thereof. Unlike many of the candidate for this office, we belong to no organizations large enough to benefit from the Town Council’s attention, and have no real friends to display favoritism towards. As such, we will simply be relentlessly self-interested, but as we live in the same town as everyone else, that’s practically the same as being civic-minded, and much more fair.

Thirdly, of course, we are effective. Will we have solutions to difficult town problems? Yes. Will we tell you what they are? Absolutely not. Should you worry about that? Probably not.


As a contrast to the aforeposted theory of insanity to address insanity, I would like to put myself into the running on the platform of forward looking pragmatism and practicality.

The madness of the imbalance of the seasons upon the island is one that can and, as I am sure we all hope, will be resolved with time and effort. The war we find ourself caught up in the middle of will be resolved, and we will end up on one side of a border or the other (though we all have hopes where we end up on future maps). The various cults and cannibal groups will be addressed with time as we find routine and stability within the society that grows up on Port Katherine, and as military and law enforcement do their duties.

Many of us are focused on solving the crises of today, and that is eminently important. However I feel that the stability we hope to build for ourselves tomorrow has been unfortunately, if sometimes necessarily, neglected. That long term mindset and viewpoint is what I seek to bring to the table.

I will not promise to solve the problems of today, for those more experienced with said problems are already hard at work on them, and in many ways doing an amazing job. What I will promise is that I will do everything I can to analyze decisions and options and give input and advise with the long view in mind, aiming wherever and whenever possible to bring the greatest chance of long term stability, growth, surplus and prosperity to Port Katherine.

I understand this is a time of great unpredictability and conflict on many front, both of human make and otherwise, and respect anyone who favors a candidate with a focus on those issues. I request only that you consider me for your vote, as a perspective and vision for our future.


Oh, one note: while I am sticking to my campaign promise that I will rerun this platform each election, I do feel the need this year to add a slogan, inspired by recent events:

“Vote Ravil and/or Lilywhite, you have provably done worse.”